Movie Months

Good movies do not come out in September, October, or November. The best a movie can hope to be in these months is to be average. So I don’t watch as many movies in these months as I do in the summer time. The only exception are seasonal movies for Halloween and Christmas (which sometimes come out at the end of November for some reason). Paranormal Activity 2 is coming out this Halloween. I can’t wait. I need a good laugh.

August is supposed to be the dumping ground for the summer movies not good enough to be in the real summer months of May, June, and July. I was surprised by the quality of this years August movies. The Other Guys and Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World are both awesome movies.

If you are like me and enjoy really horrible movies then the best time of year for this is January, February, and March. These months are so far away from awards season that the studios put out all the crap that doesn’t stand a chance.

Oscar bate comes out in December.

Please note that Oscar bate does not equal good movie. In fact, it’s usually the opposite.

The point of telling you all this is that now that summer movies are over I won’t be writing as many reviews.

That being said, (Your welcome SGSers) I am going to see Takers tonight. A movie with Paul Walker and Hayden Christensen so you know it’s going to be golden.

Don't say the "V" word

By the end of this post the word vampire will be officially retired from my vocabulary. I wont talk about any vampire movies, I won’t talk about vampire books, and when I see people dressed up as classic vampires at Halloween I will pretend that they are just pale people who are overdressed.

It’s going to be a lot of work never using that word again but I’m dedicated.

Twilight (I’m ashamed that word is on my blog) started the “Let’s make vampires lame” campaign but the guy who forced my hand was none other then Big Willie himself.

If you want to read the article of terror click here. But I’ll sum it up for you anyway.

Will Smith plays Cain in the Biblical story of Cain and Able. No wait. It gets worse. There are vampires in this movie.

It doesn’t make sense to me either.

The article doesn’t even say how the vampires will be involved. Does Cain turn into a vampire after he kills Able? That’s ridiculous. Everyone knows that Cain is the modern day Big Foot. It all seems so random. I saw this as someone’s facebook status and I thought it was a joke. I wish it had been a joke.

It’s gotten to the point where the powers that be think it doesn’t matter what the story if you throw vampires into the mix then whatever you are making will be more profitable.

How else could you come to the decision that adding vampires to a bible story would be a good idea?

Now that Vampires are all over the place, now that they have changed from a cool villain to a sparkly attempt at a cash grab, and now that they are dragging werwolves down with them I feel the need to eliminate them from my life permanently.

I will no longer say the “V” word.

Traffic Light Movies

When I do movie reviews on this blog I will designate the movie (Red), (Yellow), or (Green).

A (Green) movie is one you shouldn’t hesitate to watch. Example: Up (Green)

A (Yellow) movie is yellow for two reasons. Either it’s a decent movie but has a couple scenes that are no good or a story line that makes no sense or some other thing that has a negative impact on an otherwise good movie. Example:Avatar(Yellow) is a cool movie but I liked it more when it was called Fern Gully(Green)

The other reason a movie is designated (Yellow) is it’s a crappy movie but it has that one cool thing you should see. But wait until it comes out on DVD unless it’s so cool you should see it on the big screen. Example: 2012 (Yellow) a pretty lame movie but it looks really cool on the big screen.

A (Red) movie is bad movie. Don’t watch it. Example: Transporter 3 (Red)

Bonus rating!

A (GRED) movie is a movie that is so bad it’s good and you should have a bunch of people over to laugh at it with you. Gymkata (GRED)

Movie Trailer Crystal Ball

Iron Man 2 Will Be Disappointing

When the first Iron Man movie hit theaters it came out of no where. A second tier comic book character that only comic book guys knew. There were no expectations and the movie had few flaws so it brought in tons of money and everyone (except my roommate who fell asleep while watching it) loved it. It was the best comic book movie of the year. Way better then The Dark Knight.

Today everyone knows Iron Man and everyone expects Iron Man 2 to be one of the, if not THE best movie of the year. I had hopes it could live up to expectations but not after watching the trailer.

There are too many new characters.

Not only is there a new villain, Whiplash, there is some new business opponent played by Sam Rockwell, there is some chick in a skin tight leather suit (I have no idea if she is a good girl or a bad girl I just know there is no way she can be comfortable in that outfit), and then there is War Machine.

Yes, Rhodey was in the first movie but now that he’s got his own suit he becomes a significantly more important character.

There is no way there is going to be enough antagonism in this movie to warrant two super hero suits.

There is no way they will have enough satisfying character development with all these major characters.

There is no way Iron Man 2 will live up to the hype.

But I hope I’m wrong.


Robin Hood Will Be Dumb

There are too many movie cliches in the trailer for this to be any good. Plus, Riddly Scott is still using Gladiator as his bragging movie and it’s time for him to move on. Just because you win one Oscar doesn’t mean you can brag about it in every movie trailer you make for the rest of your life. What do they think that accomplishes?

“Hey, that movie is directed by the guy who directed Gladiator. That must mean that movie is going to rock. I’m going to lower all of my standards and tweet to everyone that they need to watch this movie immediately.”

I’m not falling for it.


The Best Movie of the Summer

It will be a tie between Piranha 3D and Step Up 3D.

If only they realized there was a market for watching dancers getting eaten by piranhas. Then we could get two movies in one. Also, one of the dancers could be Kate Gosselin. In fact, they could get her to play all the dancing characters so we can watch her get eaten by piranhas over and over again.