Tuesday, June 1, 2010

How to Crush a Toonie With a Train, Part 2 of 3: Poke the Bear

For part one, Spocking a Five, click here.

I lied.

It doesn’t take very much at all to coheres the bear out of the toonie. At the end of the last article I said that it could possibly kill you but I was just trying to shock you into wanting to read my blog. It was a cheep trick and I apologize.

I guess technically you can die from anything. Did you know french fries can give you cancer (Yeah, it hasn’t stopped me either)? So I would recommend wearing safety goggles when performing this next task.

Octavio Mcladdy

Don’t forget that spocking fives and poking the middle out of toonies is illegal. I don’t break the law so I got my good friend Octavio Mcladdy to fill me in on how toonie breaking was done. Octavio lives life on the edge. Not only does he poke the middle out of toonies, he always takes a penny and never leaves one, he copies every dvd he rents, and steals his neighbors paper.

Plus with that kind of name you know he can’t be made up.

I remember when the toonie first came out I heard that if you put it in the freezer for a while that the middle would just pop out. My internet research said that that only worked on 1996 tonies.

Octavio’s Solution

It’s as easy as using a vice grip to grasp the edge of the outer toonie and then using a hammer to hit the end of a screw driver into the bear. I recommend poking the bear because it’s too disrespectful to say that you once poked a dead queen.

Things can go horribly awry. And just because I did say that it could kill you I will give examples.

  • You could wind back too far with the hammer and gouge your eye Homer Simpson style.
  • You could hammer your thumb and not the bear.
  • The spark from the bear poke could ignite the gas in your house from that leak you’ve been meaning to fix.
  • Instead of a screw driver you might accidently use a wand and when you hammer it the bear comes to life and eats you.

I guess with that last one there is also a possibility that the bear will turn out to be basil from sesame street and then you would have a new best friend.

Stay tuned for step 3 and this time when I say the next step could kill you I am not lying. Death and destruction if you don’t do exactly as I say. But be strong. The results are really cool. Cool enough to blog about.

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