The A-Team (Red)

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Drop dead A-Team.

You suck.

There are zero relatable characters. There’s an old guy, a womanizer, a BA who isn’t BA, and a crazy dude who is more annoying then anything. Just horrible all around.

The first part of the movie shows how the A-Team comes together. Kind of. Mostly they come together because they were the only Rangers in Mexico. One of them was dishonorably discharged and the other one was found in the psychiatric ward.

Despite the fact that two of them aren’t even Rangers anymore they all go over to Iraq and fight in the army and what not. They do “cool” things and make “witty” comments. To bad the cool things aren’t as cool as they think they are and the witty comments just make them look like idiots. They spend a lot of time laughing at nothing and slapping each others backs.

It’s all about the plan. They always talk about making a plan to get the job done. What they don’t tell you is that they have to come up with the most complicated plan they can think of. It’s so complicated it makes them look stupid.

You will constantly be asking yourself, “Why did they do that?”

The plot doesn’t make sense. The bad guys are the CIA who are trying to steel templates so they can print their own money. What? Feel free to explain to me why a government intelligence agency needs to steel templates to print their own money.

B.A. was a horrible character and deserves special mention. In this action flick they tried to weave in this lame subplot where B.A. randomly decides that he doesn’t want to kill anyone. I guess it’s supposed to be a big deal. He won’t even shave a mohawk because if symbolized how bad he really was. When he finally does shave the mohawk (was there any doubt he would?) the reveal is supposed to be cool but it isn’t. It’s loud and confusing.

Which is what most of the movie is.

I didn’t think this was going to be an awesome movie but I didn't think it would be this bad. When I saw the trailer I was excited to see the tank flying through the air. I thought, “Hey that’s clever. I bet they have other clever action sequences.” They didn’t. That tank part is the only good part of the whole movie and it’s in ever trailer.

Nothing in this movie isn’t something you couldn’t have come up with on your own after thinking about it for a couple minutes. It wouldn’t surprise me if this script was written over one weekend.

And don’t get me started on the container ship where’s-the-ball game they try for the climax.

Good grief.