Faux Cursing

My parents raised me not to curse. It wasn’t that big of a deal until I moved to the big city. Then everyone around me was swearing and I had to come up with some faux curse words to shout out when needed or I was going to start dropping f-bombs every time I stubbed my tow or accidently watched Heroes.

Fetch

Fetch is no good. I do not approve of it. First of all because it is way overused and secondly it just annoys me. People know what you want to say so they are going to think about the word you are trying to avoid and that’s just as bad as saying the word. Also, did I mention that it is way overused.

Son of a Bishop

This is a good one but I don’t know that I’ve ever actually used it. For now it’s just my goto name for the Mormon sitcom I will someday write.

Biscuit (can be used after “Mother” or “Sweet”)

This is my favorite faux curse word. I love it and use it all the time. I think I got it from my brother-in-law but I can’t remember exactly. But whenever I bang my shin at work I yell out “Biscuit!”. If it draws blood I usually yell, “Mother Biscuit!”. If something awesome happens, like if I see a two for one cheeseburger sale I yell out, “Sweet Biscuit!”.

OMG, GD, WTF

I don’t use these when I’m mad. I use them when I want to be sarcastic. Also, FTW has nothing to do with WTF. Until recently I thought it was just people trying to be clever when saying WTF. FTW mean For The Win. I still don’t think I’ll ever use it.